Dr Farquar's Case History

September 10, 2011

Dr Farquar on Sweets

I like Barratts Sherbert Dabs. The handy liquorice tube and white sherbet
looks great when I’m snorting lines in nightclubs.
Ben
Sniffin

Dr F: I bought some Charlie off you and it
was just a bottle of chav cologne.

I love those ricepaper flying
saucers. I’ve made it look like the Martians have landed by taking a human hair
and superglue and suspending one of the sweetie spaceships in front of a
screensaver. I wanted to add a touch of realism and pretend it crash lands in a
barren wilderness of blistered and foreboding landscape. Presto! I found a
screensaver of Corby. Oh look little green men have fallen out of the edible UFO
and are now scattered all over the High St.
Ross
Well

Dr F: No. I sneezed over your
monitor.

I love cough candy twist. If you haven’t got a cough just
glue a pushpin on the side. Voila! A makeshift amber nose piercing.
Perry Gorrik

Dr F: I prefer sucking a
fisherman’s friend but I still get a sore throat. I sucked too hard on a Zube
once and there was a bit of a swell and we both went a bit
overboard.

I’m from Australia and I have just swallowed a Werther’s
original. 9 months later my baby wants to cover himself in calamine lotion and
listen to Rolf Harris records.
Doris
Alwaysopen

Dr F: No, it was a worthy
aboriginal.

I’m into those lemon bon bons. Now I can speak French
fluently but all my teeth have rotted away.
Cynth
Tuesday

Dr F: Indeed. Proving that an entrepreneur
is a mange tout.

I fucked Bertie Basset and now I have allsorts.
Dee VeeDee

Dr F: Next time
you want to have sex with a sweet, keep it in a bag.

I love those
Brazil nuts in chocolate. I wrap them in clingfilm and they taste as good going
in as they do coming out.
Spence
Mamunny

Dr F: They should have come out a
treat.

I love Terry’s chocolate orange. I like to have it while
ignoring the radio to avoid the pips.
Tom
Titt

Dr F: I auditioned for the Milk Tray Advert
but it was easier just getting her key cut.

If you like a lot of
chocolate on your biscuit join our club. Do you know much about Moonies?
Omar Gawd

Dr F: I’ll stick my
arse out for a curly wurly.

A finger of fudge is just enough to give
yourself a treat. A finger of fudge is just enough and very good to eat.  Its
full of peppery goodness and very small and neat but thats just ma nob.
Stan Tareason

Dr F: Finger painting is
fun, but if you would rather not forage anally then a burnt stick is just as
good for drawing pretend moustaches instead.

What’s got a hazel nut
in every bite? Squirrelshit!
S.Tufty

Dr F: Can we choose another
topic?

Only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate tastes like chocolate
never tasted before, but not if you have dry leprosy.
Crispin Dry

Dr F:  Well, don’t stand
in this wind, as you are drifting against the front door and don’t rub your
hands together when the muesli is being served.

I loved Spangles. The
green ones. Especially on pizza!
Dinah
Lone

Dr F: You strange person. Don’t you like
Pontefract cakes?

I like Pop tarts. Lil
Raver

Dr F: Paula Yates is dead.

“ITS
THE MILKYBAR KID!”,
“ITS THE MILKYBAR KID!”,
“ITS THE MILKYBAR
KID!”,
The milkybar kid is strong and tough,
Only the best is good
enough,
Creamy milk a whiter bar,
The good taste thats in
milkybar,
“THE MILKYBARS ARE ON ME !”,
Milkybar so creamy white,
Nestle
milkybar…..and thats just ma nob!
Stan
Tareason

Dr F: Stan. You’ve had your go, now piss
off.

A Mars a day helps you work rest and wank. Juan Offmawrist

Dr F: I think we are
all done here.

Do the shake and vac and put the freshness back
Do
the shake and vac and put the freshness back
When the room smells fresh so do
you
Do the shake and vac and put the freshness back
Do the shake and vac
and put the freshness back. Praise Allah!
Sheik
Anvakk

Dr F: (Aww for fucks sake!)

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