Dr Farquar's Case History

April 25, 2009

Dr Farquar on Stupidity


Why is there no right way to do something wrong? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F: Two wrongs don’t make a right except for people that re-marry. If you do that, you deserve the first bugger back. A lady patient of mine wanted me to give her away at her wedding. So I told the priest she didn’t have a TV licence.

Did you know that it takes a smart man to know he’s stupid? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F: There is a fine line between genius and stupidity. Stupidity is a form of laziness. People who don’t get to the toilet in time, whatever their age, are dreadfully lazy. I took my 93 old Grandfather out for a pint last Sunday and he started to smell badly. I asked,

“Granpa? Have you just shit yourself?”

He said, “Yes, son. I’m afraid I have.”

I said, “You better get yourself to the lavvie and clean yourself up then, right this minute.”

He said…… “But I haven’t finished yet.”

Why does genius have its limits but stupidity goes on and on? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F: Of course, one only has to look at people like Tom Cruise and there are no limits to what a stupid person can do. He is dumb enough to think he is smart. He also believes that through Scientology we can heal ourselves. If that’s the case, I might just as well give up my practice and then where would my patients be? It would be like a Rabbi ..Dwarf .. a Lesbian and a Chinaman walked into a pub. Some kind of a joke I expect.

Is sanity simply madness put to good use? (Contributed by Alex Petty)

Dr F: Policemen are stupid because they rely on a sort of fuzz logic.

Are golfers as brainy as dogs? Because I like to pay others to fetch my ball if I can. I use a series of bizarre metal sticks to try and get a small ball in a tiny hole using land that could be turned into a nice park for the rest of the community. Glenda Nineiron

Dr F: How dare you! What a Philistine. I love my golf. Personally, I invite disabled people to play a round with me because I believe in care in the community and they improve my own handicap.

To my disgust, Grunty Fen council are already changing the driving range into a water garden. The bunkers will be converted into ponds. The rough will protect wildlife. The clubhouse will be a National Trust gift shop, selling tasteless overpriced crap you don’t need.

To show contempt for the idea, I still play there, regardless of all the hard hats. One very pretty civil engineer approached me and said, “I say, look here Mr Farquar, if you promise to stop trampling over our wild buttercups, I will give you all the butter you can eat from the gift shop.”

I said, “Its a shame you weren’t here, yesterday. I missed the fairway by a mile and it landed in the Pussywillows.”

Is a wise person somebody that thinks of something really stupid and just says the opposite? Contributed by Alex Petty

Dr F: This is something, Sir. You need not fear in your case. Lawyers are not stupid. They are the only people who make sure you get what’s coming to them.

Do people ask stupid questions for a reason? (Contributed by Jason Q)

Dr F: Old people ask me stupid questions like: “Will you pass my commode?” “When is the Queens speech?” “Will you take me to Bingo” “Are we there yet?” “Ralgex? I thought it was pile cream?” and “If I put ice in the condom will it take the swelling down for you?”

Why is it that the stupidity of a crowd is directly proportional to the size of the crowd? (Contributed by ShadowStalker)

Dr F: Crowds are for the majority – people who all think that by getting on the road an hour earlier, they will miss the traffic. Not in these shoes!



1 Comment »

  1. epic

    Comment by jhopeful — August 24, 2010 @ 4:53 am | Reply

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