Dr Farquar's Case History

April 24, 2009

Dr Farquar on Political Correction

Political Correction

I am very sexually active but aurally and orally challenged. Why don’t people just call me a deaf mute? It doesn’t stop me getting men and to hell with the conversation anyway. Medusa Clap

Dr Farquar says: How dignified. You probably speak for a host of others who feel empowered like you. Oops! I forgot you can’t, can you?

I offered to help a fat stinking ugly old tramp with his Zimmer across the road after he had been to the CAB. By the time I had safely escorted him to the other side he sounded a high pitched noise from a gadget around his neck. A police lady person girl youngster arrived. The old wanker accused me of ‘acquaintance rape’. I said to the ‘gender-free uniformed law advocate’ that all I was trying to do was assist a victim of ‘involuntarily non-domiciled marginalized and internalized oppression ‘ who happened to be smelling of a ‘non-discretionary fragrance’ and was ‘severely euphemized’ because of his ‘alternative body image’ and ‘cosmetic differences’ to cross a busy road full of ‘ Hedonized Safety-phobic Phallocentric’ motorists. Guess what happened next? Ephraim Dmee

Dr F: Hang on. What happened to being ‘Experientially Enhanced’? I thought you said the dosser was some ancient old wrinkly bastard? I know … you were let off with a warning to ‘adopt a non-patriarchal world view’ in future. Then you met me at the ‘Dog and Donut’ where we got right bladdered and took a ‘wizz’ up a ‘botanical companion’ outside the cop-shop.

Why do meteorologist misogynists call Hurricanes after women names? It’s an ill-wind. Shona Cyclone

Dr F: Mmmm. ‘Meteorologist Misogynist’ is a bit of a ‘twister’ itself. Wind has always been unpredictable. Lay off the Tabasco on your toast for a while.

What is the correct gender-free pronoun for ‘He ‘She or ‘It’? Sam Arlbollox

Dr F: I don’t know .. but if you say it fast enough its sounds like ‘Horseshit’.

For the last time I am an Alaskan North American Native. Stop calling me Pingu. It’s the last time I invite you back to my igloo for joint body warmth. Amy Titsafrizzin

Dr F: I can’t continue to make love to you in sub zero temperatures. It was just a matter of time before you broke it off.

My ‘spouse equivalent’ or ‘significant other’ should be re-named as ‘sobriety deprived’ and ‘socially misaligned’ with ‘oppressed-within-the-oppressed-status’. He got stopped at customs for calling the pilot a ‘mutant albino genetic recessive global minority’. Bang goes our chance to sell dodgy and sometimes completely blank CD’s in Tenerife. Lorraine Inspain

Dr F: Nevermind. You can still look forward to a holiday ripping off unsuspecting tourists another time. In fact… you remind me of a song. It goes…

“Roll out those… ‘Motivationally Dispossessed, ‘Visibility-Reduced’.. ‘Emotionally Challenged’.. days of Summer….”



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