Dr Farquar's Case History

April 19, 2009

Dr Farquar on Thinking

Thinking

Does thought depend on language? (Contributed by Daniel Dennett)

Dr F. Yes. How philosophical. Dogs have an International language, why not thought? If we could walk up to complete strangers and sniff their bottoms in public, think how many social barriers and taboos that would do away with. I’d love to do that. As long, as they didn’t come out of the anaesthetic, too soon. I wouldn’t know where to put my face.

Why is it that the harder you try to think the more difficult it is? (Contributed by Amireal)

Dr F. This is called impotence. If you can’t get something straight between you and your lover inside a minute of savage wanking, try lollypop sticks and elastic bands.

Before Columbus ‘ discovery why did mankind think the Earth was flat? Doesn’t the Bible in Isaiah 40-22 state that the Earth is a sphere? (Contributed by George Perkins)

Dr F. Do you get the Internet where you live? Christ, here we go again. Look at the physics of it. First of all Columbus had the navigational skills of an un-dug potato. He didn’t discover America it was a German bloke years before. Plus he was a queer looking bastard. He left seamen everywhere. Also if the world was flat you wouldn’t have to keep putting beer-mats under table legs in the pub to stop your beer sliding about.

Don’t you think that a hunch is just creativity trying to tell you something? (Contributed by Liz)

Dr F. No. It’s curvature of the spine. I had a lady patient who accused me of causing her spinal damage when I was forced to show her how to please her husband. She has always tried to get her own back ever since but frankly she always rubbed me up the wrong way.

Don’t you think that strength in any belief usually comes from the weakness in reasoning? (Contributed by Bijit Halder)

Dr F. Oh, ye of little faith. What about Moses and the Red sea ? I bet you can’t part your hair. Faith is about living out a fantasy. Why else would the clergy dress like a bunch of pooves? Choir boys don’t sing soprano for any other reason. Who knows what goes on under those cassocks? I remember that character from Robin Hood. Now there’s a bloke with a typo for name. Friar Tuck. It’s almost an anagram for some ungodly advice.

Why do people scratch their heads when they are thinking hard? (Contributed by Matt Pittman)

Dr F. Because it’s more sociably acceptable than scratching your arse and smelling your fingers.

If someone else has already thought about it first, then does that mean that we can honestly say we have run out of new ideas? (Contributed by Lisa Ramirez)

Dr F. That’s original. Who would have thought?

What is the ultimate question? And what is the answer? (Contributed by Jerry Jordison)

Dr F. That’s it!

Have you ever wondered what people are thinking while you’re talking to them? (Contributed by Scarlet)

Dr F. I don’t talk during sex. I had a girl giggle once and I completely forgot what the conversation was about.

Have you every stopped to think how humans think? (Contributed by Janis G.)

Dr F. What are you a gerbil?

How do animals think? In colour? In black and white? In words? And how would we know? (Contributed by Janis G.)

Dr F. What do you want to be?…A gerbil.

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