Dr Farquar's Case History

April 18, 2009

Dr Farquar on Drinking

Drinking

If white wine goes with fish do white grapes go with sushi? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. Interesting proposition. For example if salt is so bad for us how are we supposed to drink Tequila without it?

Why do you need a drivers license to buy alcohol when you can’t drink and drive? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. People who can’t afford to drink and drive should be prepared to get a second job.

If drinks can be watered down does that mean they can be watered up? (Contributed by N.N.)

Dr F. How far can you piss up a streetlight?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia would you get a Phillip’s Screwdriver? (Contributed by Blindguy)

Dr F. No, but if your boss catches you, you could find yourself under suspension for trying a whitewash, and that will soon wipe the Smirnoff your face.

If alcohol is so bad why are there more old drunks than old doctors? (Contributed by Alex Petty)

Dr F. I don’t know. Have you ever been out on a ‘nurses night’? They think they are going to live forever.

Do you think they should call Raspberry flavoured beer ‘Raspbeery’? (Contributed by Katie)

Dr F. No. I think they should call it shit.

Why hasn’t beer been marketed in plastic bottles like soft drinks? (Contributed by Kas)

Dr F. Because if you are whacked over the head with a soft drink it won’t hurt.

Who buys that nonalcoholic beer anyway? Is it just people who don’t want to get high but just like going to the toilet? (Contributed by Keith Sullivan)

Dr F. Alcohol free beer is expensive and full of chemicals and will still give you a hangover. Put vodka with it and wait until the floor comes up and hits you in the face.

If alcohol is so bad why did Jesus turn water into wine and not grapejuice? (Contributed bySusan Bentley)

Dr F. Because the pubs were shut.

Could the reason why some people don’t drink be because they wish to know when they are having a good time? (Contributed by Nancy Astor)

Dr F. Don’t trust people who don’t drink. They get into nightclubs free just because they are the designated driver.

At age 18, why do so some governments consider you to be mature enough to fight for your country, but not enough to buy alcohol? (Contributed by Lizz)

Dr F. Precisely. I always fight better when I’m pissed.

Why do ugly women look better with a pint? (Fooge)

Dr F. Did you run out of crisps, then?

How can you drink yourself sober? Its a contradiction. (Fooge)

Dr F. How else do you think I can do this job?

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