Dr Farquar's Case History

July 26, 2008

Dr Farquar on Magic


I’m a magician. How’s tricks? If that David Copperfield is so good at flying why does he take the cab back to his hotel after a show? Nadia Seemy Nadiadunt

Dr Farquar says: Because he is a cunning stunt (bloody spellchecker!). His 1977 coiffure may be damaged in high winds. Of course he started magic as a teenager when he could make his Mum’s hairspray disappear on a daily basis.

I am a contortionist with a back sprain. When can you squeeze me into your diary? Rick Manecktoo

Dr F: How flexible are you?

I think it’s magic that we can see new galaxies forming through the Hubble telescope, the price of which, is astronomical. How? Ben Knoculuz

Dr F: By Jupiter and the debris around Uranus! I think its all done with mirrors. Yes, as you know, life started with a Big Bang, that is, unless your Father was wearing a mouse sleeping bag. I can look out of my window even now and see Red Dwarfs, White Giants, Worms with Black Holes. But that’s enough about my patients in the waiting room. Only the other day I looked up at the sky and saw the symmetry of the Naked Universe with its wondrous constellations. The stars festooning the twinkling yonder like quicksilver sprinkled across black velvet and as I gazed with awe at the bejeweled heavens I thought to myself….I really must get another slate on the roof of this outside lavvie.

I think I was tricked by traffic cops when I was stopped for drinking and driving. What’s wrong with that? My car was licensed, so why not? Pierce Dazzakhunt

Dr F: Listen. You are only 12 years old. What is a child like you doing with forged car documents and where can I get some.

I’m only six years old and want to grow up and be a magician. Bob Ajob

Dr F: Don’t be silly! You can’t do both.

I think it would be magic if you should be found guilty of gross negligence and executed by electric chair for your many crimes against humanity. I would willingly throw the switch. First, I would leave you just one small mercy by granting you a last request. So what would it be? Barb Dwire

Dr F: That I could hold your hand while you do that shit.

Wouldn’t it be magic if there was a morning-after pill for men? Justin Mapocket

Dr F: Yes. One that changes your blood group would be good.


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