Dr Farquar's Case History

January 26, 2008

Dr Farquar on Nightmares


I had this nightmare I had run out of invisible ink but couldn’t tell exactly when? Drew P. Draws

Dr Farquar says: This is quite common. I thought you looked feint and slightly drawn.

I had a dream I was on the Space Shuttle and there was not even enough room for my thimble collection. Joe Kerr

Dr F: The trouble with thimbles is its hard to point the finger, but I’m surprised the Shuttle had run out of space.

I had a nightmare that a candle factory burned down the day I was born and not one person sang “Happy Birthday. Wendy Rainstops

Dr F: Bad Luck. Your case comes up next week. When the clerk asks you “Do you swear to tell the truth?” If you are planning on lying does he really expect you to say “No”?

I had a nightmare that I was God and had the power to do anything. It ended up that, because I had the absolute power to do anything, I decided to do absolutely nothing. Neil Enpray

Dr F: How interesting. I had a similar dream. I dreamt I was God and I could do anything. So I made a huge rock too heavy for me to lift. Frankly, like with God and his handling of natural disasters, I felt a bit of a twat when this happened.

I had a nightmare that everytime I looked in a mirror the image was up to down instead of reversed left to right . Consequently, when I tried to comb my hair, my feet kept getting in the way. Please help. Myra Compact

Dr F: It’s no reflection on you. Getting a new and more sensible mirror is something you need to look into.

I had this weird nightmare. I had my kneecaps on the back of my knees. Whenever I tried to sit down I ended up giving myself a blowjob. What a stroke of luck! Phil Mesell

Dr F: Well done. I still love nature, despite what it did to you. If that was the case with us humans, imagine what cinema seats would be like. On the bright side, we would all walk like flamingos, making picking up our mail from the doormat easier.

I tried to sleep with my attractive secretary and she said “in your dreams” so now I let her shag me when I’m fast asleep. Beat that. Jess Kumin

Dr F: Good sport, your secretary. I tried to sleep with her once but she kept waking me up.

I am your humble servant, the local rector of this parish, His Gratefulness Wayne Upperwall, or “The Right Left and Centre and Wishful Thinking Cleric of the Congregation of the Mealy Mouthed Order of All Saints with Boys2Men and Girls Allowed ‘I can’t believe its not blasphemy’ and his Holy Undercrackers” as I am more affectionately nicknamed. I’m suffering from broken sleep. Last time I told you I had insomnia, you recommended sellotaping my eyes shut and counting sheep in wolves clothing. I must be tired because I was looking forward to Sharon Shagbag’s confession and I fell asleep when she got me to the vinegar strokes. In the name of the Good Lord and clean absorbent soft tissue, please help. W.U S.IL.Lyc.u.N.T.

Dr F: If you want quality sleep do what I do. I just listen to one of your taped sermons and I’m out like a light.

When my gay lover and I went camping with you, sharing our three man tent, we both had identical dreams. We both dreamt somebody was trying to pull our dicks off. Paul Gently

Dr F: How strange. I just dreamt I was skiing.



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