Dr Farquar's Case History

October 20, 2005

Dr Farquar on Hair

Hair

These Blonde jokes are tedious and like watching paint dry. (by Fooge)

Dr Farquar comments: Yes, you mean, not very bright, covered in chips but spreads easily.

I find these Blonde jokes hard to laugh at. Should we start ridiculing Noel Edmunds taste in shirts instead? He looks like he is wearing the bathroom curtains chosen by David Blunkett on LSD. (By Fooge)

Dr F: Its an unkind stereotype I know. Not all blondes are stupid. I had one bring me in a urine sample for tennis elbow. It fooled my computer for a start. After looking at all her statistics while naked she then asked me to put my clothes back on and all that came on the screen was me.

If Blondes have more fun why did Marilyn Monroe kill herself while still beautiful but Margaret Thatcher seems immortal but hates anal sex? (By Fooge)

Dr F: True. I had one patient girl called ‘Trace’ who complained of having halitosis. I asked what she used orally for dental hygiene and I cannot repeat what she said. She mentioned she wanted a prescription for ‘bottom tooth paste’ and when I said there was no such thing she became quite cross and said “Oh yes there is…I usually get one that says on the tube ‘to apply … push up bottom’.

How can you denigrate women like this? Good job my mother isn’t alive to read this she was a right cow. (By Fooge)

Dr F: I sympathise. I was in the nurses bar last night and the local turn was a ventriloquist. He told this filthy sexist joke that everybody thought was funny apart from Charlene our canteen sandwich maker. She went into one.
“How dare you discriminate against other women and myself with your trite and Neanderthal so-called humour.”
The ventriloquist hung his head and apologised.
She said, “Mind your own business. I’m talking to the little bastard on your lap!”

I’m Blonde and my boyfriend and I have being going out almost a week and still he avoids wanting to get married. I would make a great wife as I have washed his socks before. How can I know if he will make any commitment? (By Fooge)

Dr F: Sneak up behind him and throw rice. If he shits himself you have another laundry issue.

What kind of girl from Romford expects sex on the first date? (By Fooge)

Dr F: A very patient one.

My girl is called ‘Shazza’. I think she must love me because she spends all her time talking nasty to other men? What is that? (By Fooge)

Dr F: About sixty pence a minute.

I want to teach my blonde girlfriend Golf as a joint pursuit. Is this cathartic?(By Fooge)

Dr F: Yes, you can play a round while she searches for your balls. Lets face it she probably likes a bit of rough.

How can I tell if a Blonde is dead or alive? (By Fooge)

Dr F: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Is God Blonde? (By Fooge)

Dr F: No. Otherwise he would have made sperm taste like chocolate.

I want to murder my Blonde girlfriend. Should I put spikes in her shoulderpads? (By Fooge)

Dr F: Leave the shoulder pads alone. They are there to stop her bruising her ears. Try throwing her favourite two piece outfit out of the bedroom window and hope she will follow suit.

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