Dr Farquar's Case History

July 17, 2004

Dr Farquar on Health

Health

Why is it whether you sit up or sit down the result is the same? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. That will depend on if you miss the chair on both occasions.

When you stand on your head your face gets red so how come your feet aren’t red when you’re right side up? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. Your feet are not as embarrassed as your face for doing silly experiments like this.

When exactly should we exercise? If you’re healthy you don’t need to and if you’re sick you shouldn’t – right? (Contributed by Henry F.)

Dr F. Precisely. How many heart attacks are waiting to happen to ‘keep fit freaks’?. If God had meant us to exercise he would have put chocolate on the floor and invented wanking when you can’t be bothered.

Did you know the word AEROBICS comes from two Greek words: AERO meaning ‘ability to’ and BICS meaning ‘withstand tremendous boredom’? (Contributed by Dave Barry)

Dr F. If you should die during ‘step-up’ exercises further steps may have to be taken.

Do insecure people wear life jackets while on their rowing machine? (Contributed by Jim Adams)

Dr F. Only if they use it to get to work and capsize it in the stationery cupboard.

Isn’t the best way to get a man to do sit-ups be to put the remote control between his toes? (Contributed by Albert Steinhart)

Dr F. Some men may prefer to put slices of pizza between their toes. It will still mean the agony of defeat.

When someone else loses weight how come I’m the one who always finds it? (Contributed by John Lucas)

Dr F. Their gain is your loss.

If you laughed for 24 hours straight, would you begin to see signs of weight loss? (Contributed by Kate and Coral)

Dr F. No you would begin to see a psychiatrist.

Is it true that if your dog is fat, YOU aren’t getting enough exercise? (Contributed by Pablo)

Dr F. No it means your dog is eating all your food. Taking the dog for a walk, is only beneficial to humans, if there is somewhere to tie it up outside the pub.

How come the only exercise some people get is pushing their luck, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and jumping to conclusions? (Contributed by FunTrivia)

Dr F. What about people who try to jog your memory?

How come health clubs advertising on TV never show people who look like they need to be there? (Contributed by Terry Galan)

Dr F. Can you imagine Pavarotti on a bench press?

Don’t we all have perfect washboard abs? It’s just that some of us have a thicker fat protection layer, right? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)

Dr F. Having a washboard stomach could mean complete strangers rubbing you up the wrong way by airing your dirty laundry and saying things ‘off the cuff.’

They say that we can burn about 90 calories just by watching TV, so if you watch three TVs at the same time, wouldn’t that be like jogging around the block? (Contributed by Keith James)

Dr F. Playing a VCR tape on ‘fast forward’ of “The Fat Club” for the evening, will transform you into Victoria Beckham.

Does a group that sweats together, stick together? (Contributed by The Duke of Endor)

Dr F. That was very dry.

When people say that they have ‘ABS of Steel’, do they just mean that they have an automobile with ABS brakes? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. I hope so. Screaming brakes are not the same as the screaming ab-dabs.

Aren’t long walks refreshing? Especially when they are taken by people who annoy you? (Contributed by Bruce)

Dr F. Do you mean those who tend to ramble?

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