Dr Farquar's Case History

October 23, 2002

Dr Farquar on Patriotism


I’m proud to be British because at least when we have a joke told to us and don’t understand the punchline we just sit there and pull a face like we have made a mistake in our trousers and not just laugh politely like the Dutch who fanny about believing they are a world power. (Fooge)

Dr Farquar comments: The Dutch are a fickle race. You can get arrested for growing plants but for not smoking them. You can legally kill yourself. They take the piss out of the Germans and still drink their beer and there are far too many dykes.

I love this country ever since I found out that I can come from Poland and do all the jobs you Brits are too lazy to do. In Krakow even our out of work oil tycoons are happy to work in factories making household products to mix with vodka. (Fooge)

Dr F: Like Wales, your country is empty and soon to be bombed by the Bush administration because some of your supermodels have thick eyebrows and ‘George Dubbya’ found a scratch on his Warsaw concerto LP. Stay here in the UK and work. In a few years when your country is liberated, your country will become a popular holiday destination and you will be able to visit your folks or buy a timeshare.

Englishdumkoff pigdog snitznelschmitten vasser edelweiss gazza shitzinyer trooser hoosen budweiserschlitz und mit der michelobblueribbon himmel bitterpilsner earsplittenloudenboomer sneezenbugle und das hooter snotten pretzel sizen boogerz Maasstricht Ozzy mit rous rous Kunta Kinty Lennon und Macka. (Gunta Loozatgirl)

Dr F: Have you not heard about our policy on abuse against staff in the NHS? Well all I got was a written warning so fuck off then. You Belgians are all the same. Just because you know how to make chocolate and mayonnaise you think that gives you the right to drive like a fucking maniac. Face it. You are not a real country. More of a place for people to meet who can speak three languages and still no bugger understands you or why you brew drinks out of fruit and still call it beer?

Is it true someone said that Americans are like big friendly dogs that wag their tail so hard they smash everything they come into contact with? (Fooge)

Dr F: Bless ‘em. In their defence, in order to get a gun licence you do have to be dressed in a lumberjack shirt and wear ill- fitting jeans and be able to say ‘gimme’ when ordering food. If Americans have one virtue it’s the fact at least they call you ‘buddy’ when they have never even met you before. Another way to spot them is to ask them if they think the Kyoto agreement is something to do with doing a deal with the manager so you get the best seat at a Sushi bar or maybe just a conflict issue during ‘ Nam’. They may not do any of their political homework but at least they succeed chiefly in making Tony Blair look more of a tosser than he can manage by himself. All you need to know about American culture can be explained by trying out your spellchecker on your computer. Why?..I have heard that in Oklahoma the natives really come into their own. Its called incest.



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